Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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