I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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