I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
