You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
