Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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