I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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