Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
