Farmville is her only friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
