he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
