i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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