Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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