come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
