a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
