she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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