hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
