Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
