I got her a Nickelback box set.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
