I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
