where am i from again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
