i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
