Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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