You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
