thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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