I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
