I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
