Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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