Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
