dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
