She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
