yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
