is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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