fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
