he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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