my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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