i think my mom watched the whole time
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
