I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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