Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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