I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.