i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly