just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.