Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
