I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
