I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
