I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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