That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
