HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
