Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
