i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
