I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
