hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
