"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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