i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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