Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize