I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
