You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
