I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
