Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
