Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
