is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
