i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
