..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize